Breaking News
Donald Trump, our President, took a minute to use the bathroom next to the Oval Office. From photos at the golf course, we know the size of his posterior. Well, on this bathroom visit the Trump rump got stuck.
In a moment of panic he ran through his options for help. Secret service, no. Ben Carson, no. Mike Pence or Mike Pompeo. Maybe Betsy DeVos. He decided on Mike Pompeo since the same thing had happened to Mike and the Donald came to his rescue.
In the middle of this panic, the President pushed nuclear strike button instead of the emergency help button. Fortunately and serendipitously, Putin and Xi were both in the bathroom as well. The failsafe mechanism clicked in and all was okay.
Now Trump had to find a scapegoat for the fiasco. He settled on Homeland Security, saying they had not installed the Model 1463 XXXL Presidential Potty Ejector Seat he had long ago requested.
In a follow up interview with Martha Raditz, Trump said that things worked out very well. Very well. Perfectly, in face. His only regret was that the crowds were not larger to witness it.
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