Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Dreams...a poem


Dreams lie next to you in bed
Soft against your skin
Whispers, speaking of times before.

Dreams march alongside you
Soldier on, they say
What you desire is just over the hill.

Dreams coil around you
Squeezing fearfully tight
The message, an enigma.

Dreams are the parallel universe
And preferred universe of life
Grown from seeds of lust and envy.

Dreams appear in broad daylight
On shoulders, nibbling ears
And even in your underwear.

We fly in dreams and crash
We talk nonsense to strangers
And wake to the sound of popping bubbles.

Christmas stories to warm your heart--2014

The Maji arrived, and this year they brought a 72 inch 3-D TV. They stopped at Walmart on their way and got the last one at $99. Baby Jesus said that was fine since he never knew what myrrh was anyway.

A gangsta rap version of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" topped the Billboard charts. Said rapper Prof.X, "Santa can be a f****n badass when he wants to."

In a recent poll, 92% of kids could identify Santa, 93% could identify Rudolph and 73% thought Jesus was one of Santa's reindeer.

When asked about the meaning of Christmas in a recent survey, Americans answered:
     72%: getting what I want for Christmas
     43%: getting others what they want for Christmas
     68%: helping Disney get rich
     71%: saving the American  economy
     85%: honing my shopping skills
      8%: helping foster peace on earth

Live manger scenes were shut down in several American cities because the methane output exceeded acceptable community levels. Said officials, "If Mary and Joseph knew what we know today, that stable would have been a very different place."

Thursday, December 18, 2014

My Christmas List

Eyelash reweaving
Pectoral implants
A gold Rolex watch
Calvin Klein underwear with my initials embroidered on the front
A Cadillac Escalade with front and rear TVs
A home theater with recliner massage seats
A pair of soft, black calf leather pants
An avocado facial and spa day
A fruit of the month membership
A year's supply of Omaha steaks
And peace for all human beings on earth

Saturday, December 6, 2014

The Ten Commandments v.21c

The Ten Commandments have been the bedrock of religious values for 3000 years. Though they still contain insights about human behavior, it’s time for them to be rewritten. And I am taking on that task.

Why me? Why not me? I haven’t seen a burning bush or been spoken to by God or ascended Mt. Rumpke. I’m just an ordinary guy.

So here goes. In these times, it’s hard to give commandments. So I’ll call them
The Ten Lessons.

1.              God expects humans to love one another. Follow no God who leads you to evil and brutality.
2.              God can only be known in the individual aspect God reveals to each of us. So respect all the aspects of God, for in this way the fullness of God is revealed to us.
3.              Respect God by listening for God in the creation around you. Let your actions speak this respect.
4.              Set aside a timeplace where you are alert and responsive to God and the workings of God’s spirit in you.
5.              Honor those who gifted you with human life and those who gave of their lives to nurture you toward full humanness.
6.              Respect the sacredness of all human life. The taking of any life diminishes your own, and can only be redeemed in the sincere and conscientious petition for God’s grace.
7.              Let sexual union be always an act of loving and giving. If a sign of commitment, live that commitment. If the commitment no longer holds, end it with compassion and integrity.
8.              Be led by generosity, giving back with humility. Take only what you need so as to preserve the dignity, integrity and innocence of the world around you.
9.              Know your own good heart, and don’t betray it. Let honesty be the measure of your dealings with others.
10.           Use the material world as a means to the spiritual world. Let what you need come from what you have earned by your work, and let your abundance be
shared according to your blessings.