Sunday, June 29, 2014

New medical discoveries

Scientists have long known that many Americans suffer from the painful and unattractive disease  called stupidity. Many don't recognize the symptoms of this dangerous problem early if life or ever. Scientists have now perfected the iQ, or ignorance quotient. They used advanced mathematical formulas based on education level, book and movie preferences and the location of the navel in relation to the edges of outer garments and other relevant factors to arrive at the iQ. Clinical trials have proven the iQ to be a reliable predictor.

Psychologists, over the last 5 years, have clinically tested a new measure of longevity. Called FQ, or fuck quotient, this measure quantifies the number of times an individual uses the word fuck or a derivative of fuck in a specified amount of time. The higher the FQ, the more likely the person is to die an early death, even up to 15 years earlier than normal. Forms of death appear to be lung cancer, alcoholism, murder, vehicle accidents and accidental self-inflicted wounds.

A new discovery levels the playing field for men. PMS (penile madness syndrome), colloquially called horniness has been scientifically proven to be a form of temporary insanity. Dr. Emil Steinmetz, head of the research team which made this discovery, said the following in a recent interview, "The higher functioning parts of the brain shut down during PMS, and the lower functions of the brain move elsewhere. And, of course, the old definition of insanity becomes relevant: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome."

Friday, June 20, 2014

Body Mind Spirit

The traditional diagram for this triad is an equilateral triangle with one of the components at each vertex. This allows us to see how each mediates the opposing pair. Spirit gives mind and body transcendent motivation. Mind is the facilitator of the dialogue between the physical and the ethereal. Body grounds spirit and mind in the material world.

In contemporary secular and material society, the vertex of spirit has been largely lopped off. This means that body and mind can easily appear as opposing forces in a black and white duality. The human is seen as at odds with his/her own self, fragmented and not capable of integration. The spirit, always present, has trouble finding a home. It becomes distorted into fundamentalism, sect hatred and rigid forms into which it expects human behavior to fit.

Sunday, June 15, 2014


Celebrate fathers, not sperm donors.

Celebrate fathers, not studs.

Celebrate fathers, not cool dudes.

Celebrate fathers, not superheroes.

Celebrate fathers, not bathing suit models.

Celebrate fathers, not players.

Celebrate fathers, not hot guys.

Celebrate fathers, not jocks.

You get the idea.

Saturday, June 7, 2014

A poem

1000 Cranes

Are not enough to fill the skies
Or to wipe out memories of the
Dead millions
Or provide the feathers
That stones and shells require
Or convince that life is
Or diminish the assault on
Or make you love me.

NB: 1000 origami cranes are made as a memorial gesture to victims of Hiroshima.

Friday, June 6, 2014

But how do you know it's art?

1.   The couch goes and the artwork stays.

2.   You leave the artwork, but the artwork doesn't leave you.

3.   It's simultaneously worthless and priceless, meaningless and meaningful.

4.   It hits you in the gut over and over.

5.   It acts like it's alive.

How to make life fun

1.   Accept the fact that life is, for the most part, totally absurd and sit back and enjoy.

2.   Ask yourself some questions that will drag you around a while before they let you go.

3.   Act the fool sometimes.

4.   Know when not to grow up.

5.   Find yourself, then be yourself.

6.   Find someone (a friend, a lover) who will teach you how to laugh at yourself.

Monday, June 2, 2014

This Poem Contains No

This poem contains no statistics
No economic forecasts
No rap lyrics
No chances to win $1 million dollars
No ads for expensive handbags
No variations on “fuck”
No celebrities buying unequal justice
No politicians speaking for the American people
No bodies lying in pools of blood
No pictures of adorable pets
No nutritional facts
No new phone apps
No advice you didn’t want anyway
No personal affirmations
No biased journalism
No online romancing
No gay porn
No young black men in hoodies
No smart answers
No half-price tango lessons
No R-rated film trailers
No anime nymphettes
No gated communities
No menu items that take 7 words to describe
No chiseled underwear models
No sitcoms with laugh tracks
No postmodern jargon
No Paris runway shows
No morbidly obese housewives in tank tops
No silver linings
No ab-ex paintings
No brutally honest personal revelations
No anti-abortion rallies
No crooked cops with big bellies
No dickheads
No zombies giving directions to the apocalypse
No helpless maidens
No expensive window treatments
No eyelid rejuvenations
No bungy-cord weddings
No false expectations
No advanced degrees
No means of escape