I'm bored

I’m bored. So I decided to enroll in a 5 week course in broadcasting school. The curriculum sounds exciting.

Week 1, Empathy Faces: News programming is fast paced, so we learn how to quickly change our empathy face from sad to happy to tragic to distressed smoothly and convincingly.

Week 2, Broadcast Hands: When to have palms up, when to have palms down. When to use one hand, when to use both hands. How to point effectively to disasters in the distance while still calling attention to yourself.

Week 3, Broadcast Fashion: When to be overdressed and when to be casual. How to select body contoured clothing. When to unbutton the top button. How to look sexy in disaster zones. Whether to get chest hair implants. How to select a personal trainer.

Week 4, Disaster Reporting: How to convince others to stay safely at home while you are reporting from the middle of a tornado, hurricane, wildfire or volcanic eruption.

Week 5, The Total Package: How to seamlessly coordinate “broadcast speak” with hand movements and body gestures. Emphasis on emphasis. How to look more knowledgeable than the person who was actually experienced the event.

This should be fun. I’ll report back on how it went.