Ask Mr. Advice

Ask Mr. Advice:

Dear Mr. Advice,

I walked into my house to find Kelly Clarkson trying to sell me furniture. I hit her with the golf club I use for personal defense.  Am I liable?

Thanks, Kelly Whacker

Dear Kelly Whacker,

If it’s Kelly Clarkson, you are not liable. Just get rid of the golf club quickly.

Dear Mr. Advice,

I hate rap music, but all my friends love it. Besides I don’t look good in the skimpy outfits they wear. What should I do?

Thanks, Vor’tice

Dear Vor’tice,

Many experts thought rap would peter out long before now. So stick to your guns. You’re on the right side of music history. And please, do not send me any more pictures of you in scanty outfits.

Dear Mr. Advice,

I am a senior citizen, and I am sick of old athletes trying to sell me Medicare products. Are there any channels where porn stars are selling us Medicare products?

Thanks, Lascivious Senior

Dear Lascivious Senior,

Sorry, but with everybody at home under COVID-19 restrictions, porn stars are working overtime to meet public demand. You’ll have to live with Joe Namath for the time being.

Dear Mr. Advice,

I went to one of those make a painting and drink wine events. My boyfriend looked at my painting and said I wasted my money.  Is he right?

Thanks, Mandy Jean

Dear Mandy Jean,

Of course, I haven’t seen your painting, but your boyfriend is probably right. Only professional  artists can make good paintings while they are drunk.