It's spring

It’s spring.

So what’s the lesson in a daffodil?

Is it time for dirt under our fingernails?

Can we stop thinking about death?

Who should we thank for the clear blue sky?

And where’s the spring rite of dancing nude in the forest?

Is that the perfect activity for corona lockdowns?

How many more springs before we cause our own extinction?

Do we take grass for granted?

Is spring worth 1000 poems?

Should we be more humble?

R/A quotient

What is your R/A quotient?

The R/A quotient is the ratio of the percentage of your life that is rational to the percentage of your life that is absurd, where R + A = 100.

So what is your R/A quotient?

Sequestered

Since I’m sequestered at home, I’m going to lose 10 pounds, whiten my teeth, polish the silver, get rid of my toenail fungus, read the biographies of all the American presidents, write my memoirs, make a chocolate mousse, write letters to all my old friends, have a baby, look at old family videotapes, plant some chard, carve a duck decoy, learn some French cooking, make my own beer, go through all my clothing, write my will, knit a sweater, do three sets of push ups and sit ups each day, check my stock portfolio every day, practice my Spanish and German, write some poetry, watch all the episodes of MASH, understand string theory, darn my socks, listen to all 9 Beethoven symphonies and read the Bhagavad Gita.

And I’ll start tomorrow.

Sequestered

A mark, a word, a simple movement of the body. Each could begin a momentum that ends in beauty, truth, insight or awareness. The act itself is the lesson, and whatever results, great or small, is a bit of yourself revealed.

So sequestered as you are, make that mark, write or sing that word or move that body. See what happens.

Seeking God

The Greeks saw the universe one way. Copernicus saw it another way. Galileo saw it another way. Einstein saw it another way. Hawking saw it another way. But all along it was the same universe.

Science is a truth seeking process, even if that truth may turn out to be transitory. Science keeps an open mind and is relentless in its search to understand nature.

This is where religion could take a lesson from science. Knowing God is not a static thing, and religion should not be a static thing. It should search for its truth, and not freeze that truth in time. Humans evolve and their spiritual understanding evolves.

God is God like the universe is the universe, not ever fully knowable, but always revealing more of God’ self as humans search ever more earnestly and honestly.

Just for men

New products JUST FOR MEN:

Follicle Fantasies

Modern medicine has made it possible to permanently grow hair or remove hair on the male body. Follicle Fantasies offers men the unique opportunity to create hairy tattoos. Want a rose or a dagger or a dragon or a beautiful woman created in hair? Follicle Fantasies can do it. Select from thousands of designs.

Stop by one of our salons today!

Nails for Males

Men, why should women exclusively corner the market on nail designs that express who they are. At our Nails for Males salons you can choose from sets of 10 themed nails. For example, choose Lethal Weapons, Americana, Hunting, Sports or Super Heroes.

Males need nails that speak to males.

Gut Scope

Men, we know you like your beer. And we know you are proud of your gut. But what about your feet? When they are clean just out of the shower. When they are wearing a new pair of shoes. You want to be able to see those feet.

Well, Gut Scope is a specially designed, compact periscope that allows you to get a good look at your feet with almost no effort. No matter how big your gut gets, Gut Scope gives you the view you want.

PD

First it was VD. Then it was ED. Now it’s PD.

Men, hurry to your MD before our species is doomed.

In this time of the COVID-19 pandemic, how can anyone be on a campaign for penis straightening.

Corona

World religions of all kinds have tried for millennia to remind us that we are all one. Right now the corona virus is doing a better job. More than that we are hit head on with the realization that we are inextricably a part of all of nature.

We try to live above nature and control it, but we must acknowledge and act on the fact that we are destroying its balance and ourselves in the process.

Even if we accept that we are all one, it is harder to accept that we are not all equal in this. Some survive, some don’t. And the privileged still have their privileges. COVID-19 reminds us of how we have failed one another.

The biggest impediment

Sometimes it seems like the biggest impediment to genuine manhood is the penis.

It can demanding and bad mannered, and has its own mind. Though necessary to fathering, it has nothing to do with parenting, compassion, fidelity or kindness. It often pretends that sex is love.

History shows that a penis can easily turn a man into a dickhead. It is often reckless and always selfish, especially in adolescence, where it is a distraction from recognizing the other aspects of manhood. Pleasure is a gift of evolution, but it’s not the only reward of genuine manhood.

Many modes

The many and subtle modes of the married man:

Man removing the road kill in front of the house

Man, shirtless, on a riding lawnmower

Man changing a diaper

Man trying to pick out an anniversary card

Man walking behind his wife at Costco

Man kissing his wife on the cheek

Man with lipstick on his collar

Man with socks that don’t match

Man seen outside in his underwear

Man with baby, both conked out

Man drinking too many beers

Man, almost electrocuted, fixing the socket

Man drywalling

Man not in church

Man not trimming his beard

Man out in the yard with the kids

Man with his buddies

Man in bed, thinking this might be the night

Man fixing a flat tire for someone

Man finally picking our the perfect birthday present for his wife

Man singing in the shower

Man tracking mud into the house

Man buying a pickup truck

Man wearing his oldest and most comfortable clothes

Man watching too much sports on TV

Man organizing the office basketball pool

Man talking to his son about sex

Man teaching his daughter to drive

Man visiting his mother in the nursing home

Man trying not to be so much of a man

Dear Dr. Advice

Dear Dr. Advice,

I was diagnosed with mesothelioma and then hit by a truck. During the surgery to repair my broken pelvis, the doctor was negligent. My question is do I need different lawyers for each incident?

Triple Tragedy

Dear Triple Tragedy,

No. Look for a lawyer who calls himself “The Hammer,” “The Boxer,” “The Tank,” or “The Destroyer.”

Dear Dr. Advice,

I am a middle-aged man with a gut so big that I can’t see my own feet. Is there a diet that can help me and still allow me to down a six pack every night?

Beer Belly

Dear Beer Belly,

The BEAR diet (beer, exercise and rest) is the best for you. Eat no food. Run for 2 miles between each beer. Get lots of rest.

Dear Dr. Advice,

Call me vain, but I don’t look good in these infection prevention masks. My lips and nose are some of my best features, as many of my friends have told me. Any suggestions?

I Like My Face

Dear I Like My Face,

Honestly, I don’t give a damn about your lips and nose if you might give me COVID-19. Go online. I’m sure American entrepreneurship has created couture masks or get a Salome type veil or perhaps a nice bourka. And while you’re at it, get a life.

Here I am

Here I am, an artist like many others across the city and the country, late in my career with a substantial body of unsold work. I didn’t do a market survey to determine what kind of work consumers wanted. I just made serious work that I offered back the world I had carefully attended to and thought about.

All this work of all these artists sits there, not getting even the same attention given to a corporate cheat or a high school quarterback. Who knows what will eventually happen to this work. Will it be lost? Will it be picked over? Will someone come to care for and about it? No one knows.

Any consolation is in the fact that making art provides a life of challenge and satisfaction, of creativity and depth. In the end, making the work makes the artist.

Wisdom

Wisdom is not a proscription, law, demand, rule or command. Wisdom is the lived experience of struggle, pain, joy, love and failure transformed into a gift passed on to  others in need. Wisdom is meant to be offered freely and given without judgment, one human being to another.

Lessons from COVID-19

Lessons from COVID-19:

We are one world.

We can’t control nature.

We are creative problem solvers.

Honesty pays off.

Some people are jerks.

Deep down we care about one another more than we realize.

There’s no substitute for genuine empathy.

We appreciate schools and teachers more than ever.

A virus doesn’t care about status, wealth or celebrity.

This crisis will teach us a lot about ourselves.

We will emerge from our quarantines as new persons.

First responders and medical workers are exceptional.

The hidden networks of distribution, security and finance became evident.

Students deserve their spring break no matter what.

At home all day with loved ones is a test.

Dr. Anthony Fauchi is a model for honest, intelligent leadership.

Problem

Design solves a problem.  

Fine art proposes a problem.  

Ask Mr. Advice

Ask Mr. Advice:

Dear Mr. Advice,

I walked into my house to find Kelly Clarkson trying to sell me furniture. I hit her with the golf club I use for personal defense.  Am I liable?

Thanks, Kelly Whacker

Dear Kelly Whacker,

If it’s Kelly Clarkson, you are not liable. Just get rid of the golf club quickly.

Dear Mr. Advice,

I hate rap music, but all my friends love it. Besides I don’t look good in the skimpy outfits they wear. What should I do?

Thanks, Vor’tice

Dear Vor’tice,

Many experts thought rap would peter out long before now. So stick to your guns. You’re on the right side of music history. And please, do not send me any more pictures of you in scanty outfits.

Dear Mr. Advice,

I am a senior citizen, and I am sick of old athletes trying to sell me Medicare products. Are there any channels where porn stars are selling us Medicare products?

Thanks, Lascivious Senior

Dear Lascivious Senior,

Sorry, but with everybody at home under COVID-19 restrictions, porn stars are working overtime to meet public demand. You’ll have to live with Joe Namath for the time being.

Dear Mr. Advice,

I went to one of those make a painting and drink wine events. My boyfriend looked at my painting and said I wasted my money.  Is he right?

Thanks, Mandy Jean

Dear Mandy Jean,

Of course, I haven’t seen your painting, but your boyfriend is probably right. Only professional  artists can make good paintings while they are drunk.

Leave it alone

Just leave art alone. Don’t want it to be pretty or be an investment or behave itself or lend status or be sentimental. Art just wants to educate or challenge or hold a conversation or open your eyes or maybe even provoke a little. Just let it do its job.

Bestseller list

New on the Times bestseller list:

Martha Stewart’s Home Remedies for Toenail Fungus

Ever since Martha contracted toenail fungus during her time in jail, she has researched home cures for this emotionally debilatating disease.

DIY Kim

Learn how to avoid expensive cosmetic surgery by using this book’s useful and home-tested methods. Look like Kim Kardashian by employing only tools and chemicals found around the house.

Hormones, Cell Phones and Speed Zones

A collection of expert advice on how to raise a healthy teenager to eventually leave your house.

How To Be Your Unique Self While Looking Like Everyone Else

We all understand the need to be ourselves while looking like and acting like those around us. Here are hints and tweaks that help you stand out in a crowd of people who look just like you.

Locked Up and Loving It

Want to spend time with celebrities and make big bucks. Learn to be a prison coach. Learn to help wealthy criminals navigate a happy and productive prison life.

A problem

When you’re struggling to deal with a problem, education and humor are much better weapons than fear.

The lens to see

Donald Trump’s father taught him to see the world through the lens of ego, power and greed. He demonstrates this daily for all to see. It is the world that is always “perfect.”

There’s an important lesson in this, because consciously or not, we each have a lens through which we see the world. And we help build this lens for our children.

It could be the lens of compassion, the lens of creativity, the lens of hands that make, the lens of the scientific discovery. Each of us sees only a partial view of the world through our lens. And that is why all our visions count. 

Ancestors

Nowadays religion and religious practice seem to offer little guidance and direction to many. For some reason, this made me think of ancestor worship, which is a part of many religious and spiritual practices.

I never fully understood ancestor worship, but it makes more sense to me now. The ancestors are a source of guidance and are always present. They offer love and wisdom as they did in life. They are the comfort in death.

Many are distant from God these days, and we have invented pre-ancestor warehouses called nursing  homes, where their wisdom sits unused.

Without art

Without art, we can’t understand the fullness, strangeness and complexity of being human.

Art standards

In earlier ages of Western or indigenous culture, art and artists were called to demanding standards and high missions by external social, cultural and religious forces. The Church, royalty, wealthy merchants, mythological drives, for example, all made exceptional demands for the artist to meet.

At the end of the 19^th century, things began to change. The wealthy had money to spend, but they were less and less reliable mediators of taste. The Church had less and less interest in original art as essential. Museums and critics became arbiters of taste, but they were affected by the influences of money. The government was too wishy washy in its arts spending.

Now, in many ways, in contemporary art, it is the task of artists to set their own standards to guide their work. This means artists must negotiate issues of style, social and political concerns, spirituality, integrity, market issues, public awareness and more. As a result, art is more egalitarian and more uncertain of its place in the public arena.

At birth

At birth, we are condemned to death. Our task is then to build a life of consequence between these two goal posts and to help others do the same.

Children of the Depression

My parents were children of the Depression. They scrimped and saved on a one-salary income. Daily life addressed needs, and Christmas addressed wants. Soft drinks and candy were rewards, not habits.

We ate healthy food around a family dinner table. Even though we were poor by most standards, we probably ate better than most families do now, with the dependence on fast food eaten fast.

I acquired the habits of saving and frugality and never confused needs and wants. My wife and I never paid a penny of interest on our credit cards in 42 years of married life. I never felt that my family wanted for anything.

Now the degree of rampant consumerism sometimes seems almost hedonistic. I look back, and I don’t feel like I missed out on any objects or experiences. In fact, a secure retirement allows me to focus on giving rather than getting, a much more satisfying way of experiencing life.

Genuine creativity

Genuine creativity is not a sometimes thing. It’s unrelentingly intentional. It seeks things to make, problems to solve, routines to break and visions to nurture. It moves single-mindedly and laterally at the same time. It understands discipline and when discipline must be respected. It is built on both little acts of courage and big acts of courage. It doesn’t need fame or spectacle. It’s just as happy being its naked self. It’s an infection of great minds, and some die of it. You can’t choose to have it. You can only choose to live it. It can go frustratingly dormant, but then it’s usually resting in the subconscious. It’s a friend, an enemy, a thorn in your side, a blessing, a monster and something the world cannot do without.

Works of art

How do we know when a work of art is great?

How do we measure excellence in a work of art?

How do we aim for excellence if we can’t recognize it?

Why do some works of art endure and not others?

Why do some works of art have to die and be resurrected to be valued?

Why are some works of art locked up in vaults, completely against their will?

Why are minor works by great artists valued more than great works by minor artists?

What makes a work of art timeless?

Why do some works of art never cease to be provocative?

Is it necessary for works of art to be held to a high external standard?

Must a work of art eventually have to speak to a broad audience?

Should a work of art have expectations of a viewer?

Does a work of art owe any responsibility to its viewers?

Do any of these questions really  matter?

Snow Drops

Snow Drops

The snowdrops are first,
Drooping to live up to their name.
They beat the crocus
And the bright red tips of the peonies.
The crocus, in their clusters,
Are for beauty.
The snowdrops are for hope.

2020

In 2016, the Republican presidential candidates did not at first take Trump seriously. They caved in to his toxic style, and did not forcefully confront him. No one knew that malignancy that he appeared to be was in fact the malignancy that

he would be. The Republicans worshipped at his feet. All the rest of us knew him for what he was.

As a consequence, I believe that either Bernie Sanders or Joe Biden can out maneuver Donald Trump on the debate stage if they are properly prepared. Either Democrat is more articulate, more honestly passionate, carries fewer life mistakes and  is more decent.

The job of the nominee is to speak persuasively, honestly and passionately to all the Americans who are working for a future which is secure for their family in a nation they can be proud of. It is the task of the Democratic Party to be a truthful, persistent and empathetic for their goals and a fiercely persuasive voice to turn Trump’s lies on end.

Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf? Democrats don’t have to be if they do it right.

Churches

Imagine that all the churches in the city suddenly disappeared. We are left with boxes, boxes for living, boxes for small business, boxes for big business. Some are modest and practical, some are adorned for attention, some soar upward in glass and steel. But in the end, they are all boxes.

Now let the churches return. All of a sudden, there are spires, aspiring to something other than comfort and wealth. Inside is quiet and contemplation instead of busy business. Even if churches are more and more empty, they still stand for a part of ourselves that has always needed to aspire.

Too many people

There are too many people on earth.

Too many to breathe or even dance.

They can eat at the dump or the dumpster.

I’ll start my meal with caviar, I think.

Are five houses, a yacht and seven cars too much?

They are wounded, but they can still crawl.

My investments did well this year, maybe 8%.

They use every penny, every month

And still may not stay warm.

I’ve paid my dues, dues of the privileged class.

They must pay the dues of exploitation

Pulling on their bootstraps, but having no boots.

Someone else will care

Because I’m too busy being busy.

Male penis week

An essay in honor of Male Penis Week

The male penis is a clever and functional invention of biological evolution. Once it was proven successful as an evolutionary tool, it navigated from one species to another across the range of life forms. Evolution gave it one task—reproduction.

When it arrived among humans with their complex brains, it took on other roles, which were social, cultural, political and personal. It became the object of sculpture, drawing, painting and more in the arts. Tales were told of it, and it developed its own folklore. Industries grew up around it—ointments, lubricants, hormone enhancements, sheaths, pumps, toys, therapy and stem cell treatments.

Over time, the male penis became weaponized across culture. Disease, domination, political intrigue, social power and more were consequences of its extensive use. Taboos and laws were created to reign in its power and danger, usually with only modest success.

In the contemporary West, the male penis has a great deal of freedom to act—often irresponsibly, even pornographically. Still, there are also forces at work to control it or to encourage its responsible use. And that is the only real solution to this combination of personal desire, complex brain and evolutionary drive. The educated exercise of personal responsibility.

Fake News

FAKE NEWS

Rush Limbaugh

“As soon as we let women out of the house, we men were on the road to emasculation. They not only wanted control of their sexual parts, but ours too. They wanted us mowing the lawn and cleaning the house and changing diapers.  No way in hell do I want a female boss. We know what men were meant to do, and we have to do it.”

Mike Pence

“Women are owed our great respect. They are models of the Virgin Mary, with a little occasional sex on the side. They know our inherent weaknesses as men, so we must invite them to be with us always to remind us how to behave properly. No matter how powerful we are, we must share our glory with them.”

Don Trump, Jr.

“My dad taught me just as his dad taught him. Deals are never about conscience or fairness, grab a little whenever you can, money is much more important than looks or brains. I’m in the dynasty, and I’ll get all of this one day.”

Donald Trump

“Our great Constitution allows me to lie and cheat, wreak vengeance and be generous to my cronies. It allows me to grab lady parts whenever I want and to surround myself with yes men. America is great because the rich are great. Behaving like a dictator enables me to make America great again. And I thank all the dopes out there who support me.”

Explain to me

Explain to me how the Congress and the Supreme Court can completely dismiss the militia clause of the Second Amendment.

Explain to me what “militia” in that clause means for 21^st century America.

Explain to me how this militia will be called and trained to make a more “secure state.”

Explain to me who is in this militia and who will lead it.

Explain to me how this militia will function in relation to the National Guard and the Army.

Explain to me under what circumstances this militia will be formed.

Explain to me whether a group of armed white supremecists or the group of armed men at the Virginia Statehouse counts as a militia under the Second Amendment.

I’m waiting.

The Gods

Despite what many think, God wasn’t there first. First was a deep human yearning to understand our existence and our place in a vast reality beyond understanding. Then the search for God began. God in God’s many manifestations emerged everywhere in all God’s complex and revealing forms.

At times, believers in these God manifestations lost their way and began to behave against their own God stories, showing how easily they could forget the yearnings that make them most human.

Still, these yearnings will never subside and we will continue to stray until we recognize that all the Gods are one.