Molly Jean

 Dear Molly Jean:

I love my boyfriend, but he wants me to get cosmetic surgery to look like Kim Kardashian. He says he will pay for it.
I like myself the way I am. What should I do?
Kim’s Not for Me

Dear Kim’s Not for Me:
Simple. Tell him you’ll consider his request as soon as looks like The Rock.

Dear Molly Jean:
My dear boyfriend has a foot fetish, but I have bad toenail fungus. Is there hope for us?
Ugly Toes

Dear Ugly Toes.
Check Amazon for “dildoes,” and search “specialty items.” You will find a dildo with attachable latex toes. He’ll enjoy it.

Dear Molly Jean:
My girlfriend is kind and beautiful. But her mother is a bitch. Should I ask my girlfriend to marry me?
Bothered by Bitches

Dear Bothered by Bitches:
Like mother, like daughter. Marriage has been known to turn good women into bitches. Tread carefully. Two bitches are not better than one.