The future of big college basketball
In the future, the big basketball powers will have paid players, who sign for bonuses, percentage of ticket sales and percentages of merchandise sales. After the first year of play, those who remain with the team and play well will have their choice of a personal escort from a university-owned escort service.
Coaches will be billionaires and will serve as both coach and president of the university. Basketball stadiums will be state-of-the-art with smoke, fireworks, discos and full-service booze. All the cheerleaders will be personal escorts.
The NCAA will be given the task of hiring adjunct professors to teach special courses open only to basketball players in which A’s will be guaranteed all around. Majors in history, languages, philosophy, anthropology, sociology and art history will be replaced with majors in sports history, sports management, sports marketing, sports medicine, sports education, sports fashion, sports psychology and sportsmanship.
Work holidays will be granted at full pay, and every office will be required to have an office pool. To not participate will be social suicide.
Basketball America will finally be great again.
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