Ask Mr. Manliness

Dear Mr. Manliness,
I am an inept, insecure and boring young man with a small penis. But I am an avid--even rabid supporter--of Donald Trump. I believe he had the penis to lead the free world.
--Dick Junior

Dear Dick Junior,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I also believe that Donald Trump is one of the biggest dicks we have seen in politics in a long time--and that's saying something.
--Mr. Manliness


Dear Mr. Manliness,
I work out regularly with real determination, but I can only get a 5 pack. Am I a freak?
--One Short

Dear One Short,
No you are not a freak! You are among the 1 in 250,000 men who suffer from the genetic disorder called DAD, dysfunctional abdominal deficiency, or "absent ab disorder." But there is hope in the form of a safe cosmetic surgery procedure. A modified breast implant is inserted under the skin. And as the rest of your body sags, this one will hold its shape. Start saving up and good luck.
--Mr. Manliness