Dear Dr. Advice

Dear Dr. Advice,

Is it true that Melania has self-quarantined in her wardrobe closet and refuses to come out until Donald wears a mask?

Clothes Make the Woman

Dear Clothes Make the Woman,

Yes, first, Melania is busy selecting her gown for the post-corona ball. Second, Donald has told 

her that he only wears a mask when he has sex with a Playboy bunny.

Dear Dr. Advice,

Thanks so much for your wonderful advice. I decided to wear the red thong. I got the best care possible from an all male staff. I have also gotten 5 date offers from male doctors and nurses since I was discharged. You’re great.

Wrong with a Thong

Dear Wrong with a Thong,

This is good news. Not only are you better, but you are popular, too. I would just make sure these male suitors show you valid tests results showing they are COVID free. While you’re at it, check their VD tests, too.

Dear Dr. Advice,

A man came to my door wanting to sell me a packet of N85 masks, which he said had been suffused with hydroxyoxychloroquininoxalene. I told him to come back tomorrow. What do you think?

Corona Duped?

Dear Corona Duped?

No. No. No. No. When he comes tomorrow, open the door then slam it in his face. Then open the door again and slam it in his face. If you do this 3 times, according to a Druid curse, he will never return.