This is my new action plan as a climate change warrior:
1. Because of high atmospheric methane levels, will no longer fart.
2. I will forage my backyard for nutritious foods.
3. I will drink water only from a goat’s bladder.
4. In the dark of night, I will come plant a tree on your lawn.
5. I will weave my old underwear into placemats, potholders, coasters and doilies.
6. I will only drink beer that has no carbon footprint.
7. I will coast down all hills while driving.
8. I will shower just once a week.
9. I will burn all my junk mail for warmth.
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