BREAKING NEWS

Melania is offering a one million dollar prize to anyone who can build a protective shield that will keep all of Donald’s character away from Barron.

The Country Music Association has issued an urgent call for clichés. They are currently quickly running out of them for song themes.

Rudy Guiliani is seeking two million dollars for his role in the Borat sequel where he actually does pull his pants down.

Mike Pompeo reports that once he is no longer Secretary of State he will have the time to devote to his Noom regimen.

The Proud Boys announced that they have organized the Proud Girls, a cheerleader group that will perform at all rallies. Their costumes are now being designed by Melania’s hairdresser.