Church

In the contemporary world, any church that puts rules over conscience fails its congregation. For rules make sheep and conscience makes men and women

Balance

In truth, the major problems of the country—of the world—will never be solved. The human experience is broken into dualities—male/female, black/white, young/old, rich/poor and so forth. The resolution of these dualities is a goal impossible to reach.

So what’s to be done? The answer is to seek the yin/yang balance in all things. The answer then is not to search for an expected final outcome, but to work to maintain a healthy balance. 

Don’t get discouraged by an endpoint that can never be, but take a stand and act to bring about a balance that works for the good as you see it.

How to age gracefully

How to age gracefully into your senior years;

1. Don’t talk about your illnesses and surgeries unless someone asks. Then keep it short.

2. Spend time around young people. You were there once, and they need to be inflicted with your wisdom.

3. Treat your brain right. Even if it turns on you, it needs stimulation, ideation and pleasure.

4. No matter what your body looks like, enjoy being naked as much as you can.

5. Confront death by thinking about all the joys life has given you.

6. Make sure that all you have worked for goes for some good.

7. Be considerate to all your relatives, but spend time with the ones who love you.

8. Watch your weight. At 70+ you shouldn’t be eating for two.

9. Have fun to the best of your ability.

10. Have a good sense of humor and a good friend you can laugh with about yourselves.

Common objects

In the Sunday Style section of today’s NY Times, I learned that I could purchase plates, mugs, table napkins, place mats and more with images of artists like Louise Bourgeois, Kehinde Wiley, Alex Katz, Jeff Koons and others for prices from $30 to $500.

This knowledge encouraged me to get off my elitist high horse of art, and try this out for myself. So I ‘m planning the following:

TABLE NAPKINS: Guests can wipe their mouths on some of my images.
DINNER PLATES: Images of mine will get sparkling clean in the dishwasher.
UNDERWEAR: My images will greet purchasers after a warm shower and keep their genitals comfy.
CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS: My images screened on snowflakes will make for a joyous season.
SALT AND PEPPERS SHAKERS: A matched set of anatomical ceramic heads with birds and clouds will complete the perfect table seting.

I think the list might be endless, so look for them on Amazon.

The transgressions of artists

Should the creative output of artists be shunned because of the transgressions they commit? All human beings are complex. All human beings give in to temptations. All human beings are a concoction of good and evil. Most human beings struggle toward the good. Isn’t this what redemption is?

Creative individuals are no less susceptible to evil urges than anyone else. They can be weak like anyone else. Sometimes their existence on the fringe of society, in their lifestyles or their thought, makes them vulnerable. 

Creativity is not always a force for good. It can support tyranny, repression, greed or other sins as history bears out. It can be a force for change as well. It can also be a force for personal and cultural redemption.

The artist then must be held responsible for both the destructive choices that are made as will as acknowledged for the meaningful creative choices. For, in the end and creative or not, this is the work of every human being.

Shopping

I like to shop. No, I love to shop. In fact, Black Friday is my favorite national holiday. I don’t mind the lines, just a social experience for me. I try to get there early to get the best deals, and I’ve never gotten even a bruise. I’ve learned how to spend money to save money, and my imitation snakeskin coupon purse is brimming over. I’ve developed numerous strategies for getting what I want when I want it, but always at a bargain price.

Shopping makes me happy, especially knowing it’s America’s favorite pastime, and I’m helping make America great again. Eventually I’ll pay off the debt.

A Thanksgiving Tale

Hoping to escape its gloomy fate, the turkey sent a picture of itself, feathers spread and glistening, to the White House. Sadly, Drumstick and Wishbone were selected. Weighed down with anxiety, it flew up to the large lower branch of the tree to meditate. After several hours thoughtfully contemplating death, it floated again to the ground. 

“If I must die, I will die in the great tradition of the mythic heroes. I will sacrifice myself for the good of others.” It strutted over to the chopping block, laid its neck down and bravely waited for the axe to fall.

What transpired next was hardly noteworthy. Cleaned, injected with butter, frozen, thawed, dressed and baked in a hellish oven. What was not noticed though was its soul wafting up to turkey heaven with a sweet and savory fragrance.

What can we do?

When we look at the world as it is, it’s easy to get discouraged by the corruption, sexual improprieties, brutality, injustice and gross misuse of power we see all around us. What can we do?

It seems to me that the first step is for each of us, in our own way, to demonstrate what compassion, justice, dignity and integrity are. It’s not easy. We’ll stumble. We’re human.

But really, what choice do we have?

100 Lives (condensed)

An excerpt from my new book,
100 Lives (condensed)

She was born beautiful. She lost her virginity at 13 and then again at 15, 16 and 17. At least that’s what she told each of them. She managed to escape her reputation and social media by going far away to college. To her own surprise, she got a degree in civil engineering and married a ca- pable man on his way up. Two children (twins), then deep depression. Husband at work, children in school, she just packed up and left one day. Never seen again.

Dear Evangelical Christians

Dear Evangelical Christians,

I understand that many of you still support Donald Trump. By my reckoning, he’s obsessed with money, has behaved inappropriately with women, has cheated many of the students enrolled in Trump University, lies consistently, name calls at a level that is almost bullying and has been married multiple times.

May I ask please, what Jesus are you following?

Yours warmly,
Gary Gaffney

Absurdity

Many years ago I put up a large billboard on Spring Grove Avenue that said “CELEBRATE ABSURDITY.” At that time I was referring to the silliness, strangeness and improbable behavior that inhabited what we liked to think of as a rational world But I think I may have to take that back.

With the current President, Congress, Cabinet, Supreme Court, wealth distribution,
a mean-spirited and arrogant absurdity has infected public life.

If I had the energy, I would form the DPP, the Decent People’s Party. This would not be a party of ideology, but of decent people who were willing to discuss ideas in an open-minded way and act on the basis of personal integrity and conscience.

But, in itself, is this an absurd idea?

7 deadly sins

The power that comes from celebrity, wealth and high position is the power that allows the men who possess it to give in to their sexual urges. That’s what has come to the surface so fiercely today.

But lust is only one of the seven deadly sins. These same powerful men have also allowed themselves to indulge just as readily in the others: greed, vanity, gluttony and down the line. 

We don’t call them to task for these urges in the same way we do sexual misdeeds. But in some ways the consequences for society are much more destructive.

Just some

Doesn’t it seem that we now have a government of just some of the people, by just some of the people, for just some of the people?

True / False Quiz

TRUE / FALSE QUIZ

1. One of the last places to find integrity is in the work of serious artists.
2. Hallmark greeting cards are the final word on the meaning of love.
3. Laws are just because they are made by justice-minded people.
4. If God is there, God is there for everyone.
5. It’s easy to find wisdom on the Internet.
6. Men just don’t get it.
7. Parents usually tell their children, “You are a mysterious bundle of potentiality waiting to be formed by your life energies.”
8. More Americans now suffer from screen addiction than ever before.
9.You can’t possibly calculate the odds of your improbable existence.
10. Every day we get many examples of the absurdity of human behavior, and sometimes we are one of those examples.

9-10 correct: Genius
6-8 correct: There’s still hope for you
3-5 correct: You didn’t read the assignments
0-2 correct: Duh

Trust

I’m 73. I grew up in a world in which there were many institutional social and economic injustices. It was certainly no perfect world. But schools were safe. The streets were safe to play in. The doors of our home were open. I knew virtually no one who owned a gun. That was the world I grew up in. No nostalgia.

But sadly, trust in on the chopping block today. We don’t trust government. We don’t trust the justice system. We don’t trust corporate America. We don’t feel safe in church or school. We don’t feel safe on the streets or in our homes. Security systems, cameras and checkpoints are everywhere. We might even expect one day to be saved from danger by a random concealed-carry gun owner.

Systems of security seem so necessary that we forget that acceptance of these systems is also acceptance that we cannot trust.

What does that mean then for the way we live our lives?

Courage of women

The courage of the women who have come forward to call out the men who have sexually harassed them is undisputed. News media have been consistent in reporting these incidents regularly. But the entertainment industry is another story when it comes to courage:

Consider:
1. SNL gave a lot of sketch time to Roy Moore, but almost none to Louis CK.
2. The entertainment industry’s Governor’s Award mentioned nothing about the sexual harassment scandals and even gave Dustin Hoffman warm applause.
2. Stephen Colbert has skewered politicians mercilessly for sexual misdeeds, but hardly touches Louis CK, Kevin Spacey and others.

To me, this is a cowardly response to the courage of women.

Products for the contemporary male

New products for the contemporary male:

Dick Docs
Dick Docs is a wallet-sized pad of contracts, legal in all 50 states, that once signed, is a legal sexual consent agreement. Dick docs is convenient, accessible and brings peace of mind.

C-belt
C-best is the modern male chastity belt. C-belts come in different sizes, colors and styles. They expand with erections and have a digital lock, which can only be unlocked by the owner’s sex addiction sponsor.

The Stunning Fleshlight
The Stunning Fleshlight is enhanced with a miniature taser that puts out a small stun during masturbation to train the offending member to curb its enthusiasm. It is approved for use by the American Psychosexual Research Council.

These products will all be available before Christmas and can be found in the Personal Sexual Devices section of Amazon or at any neighborhood Walgreen’s store.

Get out the vote

I am not made of the stuff to make it in the military. I worked a service job, but not one that asked of me the sacrifices that the military make. But my son, my father, friends and former students all chose that call to service.

I recently heard a discussion on the radio about how to thank a veteran. Different veterans suggested ways. A “thank you” barely skimmed the surface. Take a few minutes to talk to a veteran. Buy one a meal. Donate to the USO. Volunteer at an organization that provides support to veterans.

All these are good options. 

But in the end, the President and Congress are the ones that put the men and women of the military in danger. The countries we are currently fighting in have not invaded us. Even 9/11seems less and less a justification for decades in this current Middle East morass. The numbers of dead, wounded, disabled, and psychologically and emotionally mangled continue to mount.

There seems to be all the money necessary to stuff the pockets of the weapons dealers. There seems all the money necessary to maintain the military in foreign wars. There seems to be all the money necessary for generous Congressional pensions and health care coverage. But where is the money necessary for the prompt, accessible and quality care of our veterans.

I thank the veterans.--all of them—for their brave and dutiful service. And I hope you will join me in holding accountable the government they served.

Penis power

Okay. Imagine some guy stripping naked and masturbating. You probably conjure up a pervert in a trench coat, a delusional man who’s mentally ill or a drunk college freshman. At least until recently.

Now we know it’s also celebrities in the entertainment industry, politicians and C.E.O.’s. Intelligence, creativity and wealth cower at the power of the penis.

We like to talk about these behaviors as “disorders” which can be resolved by therapy, talking to somebody. But for me, they are nothing but moral weaknesses and the relinquishing of dignity and personal integrity.

We now see this clearly because of the women and men who have courageously come forward.

Rapture

A group of believers stand together at sunrise or sunset looking up to heaven. They are waiting for the rapture. But it won’t come. Ever. But that’s not the whole story.


The rapture is really transportation into a higher, spiritual world. And while it may not be an eternal experience, life is full of many small raptures. The fireman who risks his life to save a child. The medic working grueling hours in a war zone. The woman who risks her life to fight for social justice. The transgender girl who proudly asserts her right to be herself.


These are all small raptures. Each is a human transported into eternity if only briefly. Only briefly God, in the highest calling. And what we don’t realize is that there are countless of these small raptures happening around us to humans who are not passively waiting for the rapture, acting selflessly to make the rapture palpable.

Lust is a bitch

Lust is a bitch. It’s one of the seven deadly sins. And it’s a powerful evolutionary urge. It afflicts teens and titans alike.

Power, position and wealth appear to allow lust to trump the positive impulses of culture and personal integrity. We will continue to hear about the transgressions of these perpetrators.

But we must also acknowledge the many men who make a commitment and live it out in a sexually healthy way.

Responses to Sutherland Springs

Some responses to the latest mass killing:

I’m grieving too much to do anything now.
It’s all the fault of Muslims.
Everyone must conceal carry to church.
The real cause is the mentally ill.
Fewer guns won’t make America safer.
I need my AK47 for hunting.
Protecting the 2nd Amendment is way more important than any incident of mass killing.
It’s the price of living in America.
This kind of thing happens everywhere in the world.
That other guy with his rifle jumped in to help.
Look at how many everyday heroes came out of the Las Vegas shooting.
I’m too busy making America great again to worry about this.

Lots of reasons to disguise a pistol toting, gun slinging habit and a cozy slumber in the pocket of the NRA.

This what you tell your Congressmen

This what you tell your Congressmen:

Every time you take a dollar from the NRA, you are complicit in these mass killings.
Every time you buy into this rigid and distorted view of the 2nd Amendment, you are making America more violent.
Every time you ignore your constituents to vote the NRA line, you are failing in your elected responsibilities.
Every time you say that more guns make America safer, you are denying the reality that shames our country.
Every time you express sympathy for victims of mass killings, you expose the callousness of your voting record on gun control.
Every time there is a mass killing, you need to notch those numbers on your belt and wear it every day.

New GPS options

Tired of that bland female voice telling you where to go? A new generation of GPS devices can remedy that.

Select from the following exciting GPS options:
The rap artist option
The bitchy wife option
The know it all husband option
The backseat driver option
The sexy male or female option
The country twang option
The celebrity option (currently available are Donald Trump, Whoopi Goldberg, Judge Judy and Homer Simpson)

All of these options are also available for elevators and home voice devices.

The law

The law is not required to have a conscience. Neither are those who make it and enforce it. The law can have some elements of morality, but consider how laws are often made. The voting public shows up, often uninformed, in shamefully low numbers. Legislators are bought out by highly paid lobbyists and substantial campaign contributions. They too often ignore their constituents, who don’t hold them accountable.

In elections, integrity and personal values don’t enter the campaign in significant enough ways, as we’ve seen in the case of the top elected official in the country. Personal integrity becomes the playground for smear campaigns.

Good has and does come out of the process, but it often comes out bruised and beaten.

Get a map

Get a map. Stick a pin in every place where people are starving. What do you get?

Get a map. Stick in pin in every place where there is armed conflict. What do you get?

Get a map. Stick a pin in every place where a billionaire sits on a mountain of wealth. What do you get?

Get a map. Stick a pin every place where there is religious intolerance? What do you get?

Get a map. Stick a pin every place where people are homeless. What do you get?

Get a map. Stick a pin every place where that women are abused. What do you get?

Get a map. Stick a pin every place families live on $2 or less a day. What do you get?

Get a map. Stick a pin where people are oblivious to all of this. What do you get?

#NEVERME

#NEVERME
Pledge to never tolerate sexual harassment of women in yourself or others.
I have.

A little bit

It’s our inability to get past geographical, social, economic, racial, political, religious, national and all the other boundaries we put on ourselves that keeps us from seeing ourselves as human beings first. This is why, whether pragmatically or cynically, we are such a hopeless race. 

Some of us can build little castles of comfort or wealth while the majority struggles against poverty, repression and lack of opportunity. Some of us can throw a little money or a few discarded objects over the castle walls and feel a little better about ourselves. A very few will give out of the little they have. Most will give out of their excess.

Yet any bit of compassion is a bit of hope. Any bit of hope is a bit of faith in such a thing as a human community. Any bit of faith in a human community is a bit of belief that all humans mean something.