I dived off Kim Kardashian’s butt into George Clooney’s palatial pool. He gave me a towel of the finest Egyptian cotton to dry myself. Melania was visiting, and shared a beautiful cashmere suit for me to wear. The sleek white limo pulled up, and I got in, my thin spike $2000 heel catching on the carpet of the limo. I was greeted with a glass of the finest champagne, handed to me by Jake Tapper. Jake was about to interview me for his new show. I had prepared myself since I had already been interviewed by Whoopie Goldberg and the virtual reality version of Barbara Walters.
Before the interview, Jake took me to lunch and suggested the raw oysters and the Chinook salmon fish sticks. The wine was exceptional. After the interview, in which I was witty and scintillating, the limo took me to Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop Deluxe Spa. I had a manicure, pedicure, avocado oil bath and a massage by a young, fit Asian man. A nap in my suite at the Hilton was absolutely necessary.
I dressed for the evening in a backless silk gown loaned to me by Tyler Swift. I did have to rent the ruby neckless. It was a dance beyond my expectations, decorations lavish and beyond imagination. I danced with many partners. In the end, it was Justin Bieber who asked me home to his penthouse. As you’d expect, the sex was incredible…every time.
What a day.
No comments:
Post a Comment