World's first personality transplant:
With recent advances in brain research, scientists are on the verge of being able to create drug cocktails that will transform brain chemistry to produce a new personality in the user. Research trials will soon begin on a study group of 100 mothers-in-law.
The real cause for climate change:
Scientists have now discovered that the obesity epidemic in the United States has caused a shift in the earth's axis, thus melting the polar ice caps and effecting global warming. Computer models indicate that this problem can be solved by massive liposuction and distribution of the liposuction products to third world countries.
Men really are dickheads:
Scientists have employed specially designed equipment to trace nerve pathways from the male penis to the brain. During arousal, neural signals go directly to the area of the brain which controls rational decision making where they immediately short circuit.
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