Introducing Bill and Mary

Dear Mary,

I can’t believe I only just noticed that you have 6 toes on that one foot. I love you for that even more than that thing on your lip.

Love,

Bill

Dear Bill,

I’ve learned to tolerate your dirty clothes all over the floor, but please keep your underwear out of the sink.

Love,

Mary

Dear Mary,

You know I don’t like satsumas, especially with cottage cheese.

Love,

Bill

Dear Bill,

You left the milk out on the counter last night, and it’s sour. You’re such a dickhead sometimes.

Love,

Mary

Dear Mary,

I can’t help it. Your mother’s meatloaf does taste like a combination of Spam and plaster.

Love,

Bill

Dear Bill,

It’s not that I’m turned off by body hair. It’s just where yours happens to be.

Love,

Mary