I can...

I can smell like an Alpine forest, a tropical jungle, a citrus fruit, a peppermint stick, a coconut, almonds, pheromones, a fresh breeze, an apple pie.

I can wear clothes from France, Italy, Bangladesh, China, Indonesia, Ecuador, Poland, Mexico, India, Pakistan, Guatemala.

I can eat at a Mexican restaurant, a Greek restaurant, a Thai restaurant, a Vietnamese restaurant, a French restaurant, and Italian restaurant, a German restaurant, a Peruvian restaurant, a Brazilian restaurant, a Spanish restaurant, a Caribbean restaurant, a Cuban restaurant.

I can watch people on TV being stabbed, shot, garroted, poisoned, tortured, blown up by IEDs and drones, starved to death, buried alive, run over by a car or truck, hung, mutilated, hit with a blunt object.

I can watch baseball, football, soccer, basketball, tennis, ice skating, hockey, poker, cricket, diving, swimming, track and field, ping pong, softball, lacrosse, billiards, boxing, wrestling.

I can choose from Doritos, Cheetos, Pringles, Fritos, caramel corn, taco chips, Sunchips, cool ranch, onion, pretzels, honey mustard pretzel bits, bar-b-que chips, kettle fried chips, baked chips, blue corn chips, veggie chips, low fat chips, low salt chips.

I can have eyes that sparkle, skin like a baby, private parts to die for, lips like Marilyn Monroe, nails that tell stories and have embedded gems, feet that never get tired, arms with no flab, a waistline to be proud of.