Sunday, November 1, 2015

A modest proposal for killing-free wars

Each opposing side registers all available fighting men. The military on each side then systematically measures the erect penis of each man. Each side totals these numbers, takes an average and the side with the highest average wins the war. If the two averages are within a margin of difference below an agreed upon number, the war is declared a stalemate for five years.

Of course, some eligibility details have to be worked out relating to: female soldiers, transgender soldiers, porn stars, nationality verification and conscientious objection.

Besides the saving of large numbers of lives, verification could be much more interesting than that of nuclear materials. Also a large workforce could be retrained from weapons production to penile enhancement products.

No comments: