Exciting new marketing campaigns in the American landscape

 HALLMARK GREETING CARDS has announced a new campaign to keep up with new trends in the American family. Though specific dates have not yet been selected, greeting cards have been designed for the following celebrations:

Surrogate Mother’s Day

Step-grandparents Day

Artificial Insemination Day

Baby Momma Day

Double Dad’s Day

Two Mom’s Day

Sperm Donor Dad’s Day

Howard Triteman, spokesman for Hallmark, said, “Being a family isn’t just being a family anymore.”

AMERICAN ACADEMY OF LIPOSUCTION has launched a new program to help obese people feel good about themselves and at the same time help the environment. All liposuction physicians will provide free delivery of all liposuctioned fat to a local processing facility to be turned into biofuel.

Says Dr. Hugo Lickman, “ We have a great resource obese Americans. They will feel good about giving back after taking so much.”

Could NIKE’S marketing ever get any better? Yes. A new marketing strategy will give a $10,000 prize to the man between 21 and 35 who can reach the highest testosterone level from just looking a Nike swoosh.

Dick Slickman, Nike representative, said, “We wanted to make the winner the quickest to get boner, but the legal department squashed that in a second.”