New services for kids

I recently heard a radio ad for a pet hospice service which would include aid in the pet’s passing, burial services and grief counseling. So I decided to surf the internet for other necessary services which might be4 needed. This is what I found.

Toy Heaven, Inc.

That precious teddy bear pop its stuffing? That special doll lose its head? This is an important teaching moment. Let us help your child process this life experience. We will prepare the beloved toy for it transit to heaven, prepare your child to say goodbye with appropriate books and provide any necessary counseling.

Remember, to your child, toys are people too.

SEVENTEENmos.

This informative spin off of Seventeen Magazine is filled with the kinds of articles and tips you will need to help your toddler achieve her goal of Miss Child Princess, Miss Teen America, Miss America and Miss Universe. Confused about colors and styles? Not sure about when is too soon for cosmetic surgery? Wonder which make-ups will damage the skin of 2-year-olds? SEVENTEENmos will answer all your questions and help guarantee that your child will have a life of superficial beauty.

Kid-Napping, Inc.

TV dramas assure us that at some time one of our children will be kidnapped. We provide a fool proof means to prepare for this unfortunate and stressful situation. Let us kidnap your child. We will demand a ransom (which you can set), and our fee will be 5% of the ransom. We will give you every opportunity to problem solve, negotiate and bring the event to a satisfying conclusion. We will make sure you and your child get just enough fear and stress to prepare for this eventual experience.

Kidnapping ala drug cartels, 10% extra.